Not All Fill-in-the-Blanks???

“Not all men” is a phrase we hear too much in feminist discourse. This usually comes during a discussion on violence that women and other marginalized groups face. A man who considers himself an ally will feel a little too sensitive about the subject matter and he’ll pipe up with, “Not all men!” Other groups do this, too. “Not all white women!” “Not all Christians!” You get the picture.

So what’s the problem here? After all, it’s technically true. Not every single man is violent. Not every single white woman is dangerous for a person of color. Not every Christian advocates for bigotry and hatred. Are they not allowed to stand up for themselves?

Welcome to class! Let’s break it down!

There are a few problems with this idea that they are just defending themselves. For one thing, people who are part of oppressor groups such as these don’t need defending. That’s the whole point of being an oppressor group as opposed to being a marginalized group: it holds all the power. It’s true that people from these groups often feel persecuted (i.e. the supposed war on Christianity or Men’s Rights Activists and incels) but the majority cannot be oppressed, that’s not how oppression works.

But the primary problem is that the conversation, which was originally about an issue that a marginalized community faces, has now shifted to being about the person who is feeling sensitive. Therefore instead of discoursing about how to change the world, we are required to stop that discussion and tend to the feelings of someone who holds an oppressor identity (check out this post about Intersectionality for more understanding about how a person can be both marginalized and oppressor). Basically, the person making the “Not all fill-in-the-blank” comment has de-centered the real issue and centered themselves instead. Nearly all of the time they are doing this inadvertently, because privilege is invisible to those who hold it. But that’s why I’m writing this. Because as we learn better, we can then do better. To learn more about how to ally, you can read this post.

Homework Assignment:

As representatives of an oppressor group, it is our job to call in our people. People who are oppressed cannot be the ones to change things, those who are oppressors must be the ones to change the system from the inside because we are the only ones who have access to the inside of the system via our social groups. Your homework is to, foremost, never say “Not all _________” and secondly to call in your people when they do.